Does Shame Get a Bad Rap?
By Julie Lane
For years I have watched leading members of our society embrace sinful behaviours while expressing little or no shame. Even Christians now proudly reveal actions that a few years ago they would never have voluntarily exposed. For instance, in late July twice divorced mother of two, U.S. Representative Nancy Mace, speaking at a prayer breakfast, freely confessed that while still in bed that morning she had rejected her current fiancé’s romantic overtures with the words, “No, baby. We don’t got time for that this morning, I gotta get to the prayer breakfast (sic).”
Brothers and sisters, this ought not to be, and I can no longer refrain from talking about it. Obesity, self-harm, and pure depravity are not only tolerated; they are celebrated. I recently saw a video of a girl who wanted an exception made for her because she was unable to make it to work on time. Being on time for work is apparently the fruit of colonialism and white supremacy. But what particularly upset this girl was that the person she was “with” did not support her and told her she needed to be more responsible. I hoped the video was satire. Sadly, it was not, and I believe it is time when something is wrong for God’s people to stand up in public and say so.
Now I want to be clear before we go any further, I am against bullying. But there is a difference between bullying and genuine, loving correction, and I am also against accepting public affirmations of sin without correcting the brother or sister who has gone off course. If you see your friend driving straight towards a cliff, do you wave at them and say, “Good job, I am so proud of you?” No! You yell and scream at them until they stop. But we have reached a point in society where telling someone that they are at a weight that is, medically speaking, going to kill them, you are accused of shaming them and told you are the bad guy. Moreover, telling a teenage girl that she may regret cutting off her healthy breasts is no longer just hateful, it is a crime, and telling grown men that they cannot dance provocatively and expose themselves to small children will get you arrested. Our society is in trouble.
I look at the things I see on Instagram and think, “Why are these people not ashamed to say this out loud?” Not only are they not ashamed, they are celebrated, and then have the arrogance to demand that everyone celebrate them. Again, atheists, progressive Christians, and deconstructionists have no problem trying to shame and guilt Christians for believing the Bible, but if you point out the danger or wrong of something they are doing, suddenly you are a danger to society.
No one more blatantly rejects shame for acts of unbelief than the artist Rhett James McLaughlin, ironically now self-billed as James and the Shame. FBB discussed him before when in 2020 McLaughlin famously explained on his YouTube channel Rhett and Link why he had left Christianity behind. McLaughlin has since launched a solo career where he writes songs about walking away from Christianity. I listened to a few of them but “Where We’re Going” is truly disturbing. In the song he leads his wife and kids away from Christianity, telling them it's okay that neither he nor they know where they are going. It's supposed to be a love song, but the lyrics are heartbreaking. He may not care where he and his family are going now, but a day will come when he will quickly start to care! Songs like this should not be taken any more seriously than the Belly Button song he made when still a part of Rhett and Link. Jesus talks about what happens to those who lead little ones astray in Mark 9:42. McLaughlin may feel no shame for his actions today, but someday he will.
Now this would be bad enough if these ideas only originated from unbelievers, but with the rise of progressivism, deconstructionism, and exvangelicalism, they are infiltrating Bible-believing churches. If you came to our Be Ready 2023 conference you would have learned so much about how the lies of progressive Christianity have infiltrated Christian churches with a warped misrepresentation of the Bible (if you missed it you can purchase the recordings here). This mockery of Bible truth from within the church is little different from those who mock the faith from outside. As Christians, we have a duty to call out blatant misrepresentation of the truth about shame. When we remove all shame from society, it removes the safeguards that keep depravity and evil from swamping the public square.
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You doubt this is a problem in the church? Well, let me ask you a question. Have you ever heard Christians say God will never be ashamed of you? Of course, you have. But is that statement biblical? No, it is not. Read the prophets and you will see them shame God’s people. Nor does the apostle Paul hesitate to employ shame where appropriate. “O foolish Galatians,” he cries in chapter 3. “Who has bewitched you? It was before your eyes that Jesus Christ was publicly portrayed as crucified.” Was Paul a bully? No. He was speaking truth and calling the Galatian Christians to repent for turning from the truth. That is what loving servants of God do. It’s what Jesus did. Read Revelation 2-4 and see for yourself how Jesus never hesitated to shame the seven Asian churches for their disobedience. Interestingly enough, the world can sometimes see this truth better than Christians. For example, the Canadian government has debated banning books of the Bible for being “too judgmental,” too apt to produce shame in its readers.
When I take this position in conversations, I am told that shame was not in God's original design, meaning we have no right to shame people. To this I reply, shaming people was not part of God’s original plan, but neither was sin or death. We are not living in the original design, we are living in a broken, fallen world where sinners are called to repentance, and as hard as this is for some to accept, where unrepentant sinners are punished.
God is never surprised when his people miss the mark. And He always shows us more grace than we deserve. But that does not mean he saved us to keep living flagrantly sinful lifestyles. We are told that trials are good. “Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds,” and this is the part that people forget to read, ”for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing” (James 1:2-4). We need trials, we need to feel shame so that we may be perfect and complete and lack nothing!
That God punishes persistent sin is beyond doubt. Take Deuteronomy 32:21 “They have made me jealous with what is no god; they have provoked me to anger with their idols. So I will make them jealous with those who are no people; I will provoke them to anger with a foolish nation.” We should be ashamed of our sins. Absence of shame in today’s church and society has led to the current moral decline and an ever-weaker Western church. God has been made out to be all flowers and rainbows, but He is our Father in Heaven, and every loving parent knows discipline is necessary to raise mature children.
I view shame as the nervous system for the soul. Just as the nervous system relays to our brains the state of our bodies, shame is a warning to the heart to stop what we are doing and correct what is causing it. We should feel shame. We should take notice of the sin causing us shame and stop sinning. Again, a word of explanation: I acknowledge that abusers often use shame to control people. Sadly, this is the reality of living in a broken world where people with evil intent will use the capacity for shame to harm others. This is evil, equivalent to waterboarding someone for his own good. Advocating for Christians to exhort or correct one another does not imply permission to bully someone and shame them for their sin. But we are commanded to warn people of God’s wrath and to promise forgiveness only for those who repent (Ezekiel 33:7-9). If they refuse to listen, that is on them, not you.
So next time you hear something that sounds too loving to be true, check your Bible, or better yet, be in God’s Word daily, reading through the entire Bible and not just focusing on a few favourite passages. I personally have been enjoying Through the Word plans. And when you read your Bible, make sure you don’t shy away from the hard stuff and the messy stuff. Learn to walk so closely with Jesus that you can discern between truth and lies that are close to the truth. Remember if you are heading toward truth and you veer off course even a millimetre, it won’t take long before you find yourself lost. Next time you see a brother or sister heading towards the proverbial cliff with their sin, do not be afraid to warn them, it is the most loving thing that you can do.
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