Making Marriage Great!
By Ian McKerracher
I am a happily married man. I thought that I should just get that out there. One of the reasons that I figured that getting it out there is a good idea is that, in our world, it is not heard often enough. I remember a rather sad exchange between myself and a student of mine at NAIT. I had mentioned in passing, during some lesson now forgotten in the details, that I am pleased with the married state that I am in. In a break in the class, a student came to me and told me that my confession to happily married status was the first time he had EVER heard that from any man, anywhere. Think about that for a moment….
Marriage is the most common state of a person in which to negotiate his life to the end. Though the numbers are falling off at bit in the rather confusing times in which we live, still 56% are in a marriage relationship if they are 25-64 years old in Canada in 2017. The next populous social divide in this notion of live-in relationships, are the 15% of Canadians who are the unmarried people who share their address and their beds in common-law relationships where they pretend to be married. So, all told, there is a whopping 71% of people who are living this normal way of living; together. We can figure that the number can only go up from there as the remaining Canadians include only 13% who have never been married or lived common-law. So, a sizable portion of Canadian adults are in favour of this idea that we should live together. I left out any considerations about same-sex marriages here as it is less than 1% of the population. No disrespect was intended.
“In a break in the class, a student came to me and told me that my confession to happily married status was the first time he had EVER heard that from any man, anywhere. ”
I own a personal track record in marriage as batting .500. Before I was married, as some of you know, I was married at a young age and stumbled along in that relationship until it collapsed under its own weight of various poorly considered life-choices. I must admit that both staying together and splitting apart were tough, each in their own way, living outside of the grace of God under which I live now. Of that fact I am completely sure! The difference between a marriage in which Jesus is a member of the home and one in which He is a stranger is truly night and day. The first marriage crashed and burned before the third anniversary and we just celebrated the 43rd anniversary of the second!
So, what makes this married bliss that I am blessed to enjoy so different from a marriage out there, wherever “there” is? What is the relational recipe that makes such a tasteful meal when the first try in this kitchen ended with a bad taste in my mouth? Is it that we are so much in love that there is no conflict? (Even as I wrote that, I had to chuckle. That is. ..uhmmm…unrealistic) One of the outcomes of having Jesus as a housemate in the home is that He comes with a built-in conflict resolution plan. You can trust me here. That is of paramount importance. If I have an argument with my wife, what sort of choices do I have under the watchful eye of this divine house member? I am pushed into reconciliation, to forgive, and to ask to be forgiven. Scripture tells me:
“I own a personal track record in marriage as batting .500. Before I was married, as some of you know, I was married at a young age and stumbled along in that relationship until it collapsed under its own weight of various poorly considered life-choices. ”
“Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother or sister has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to them; then come and offer your gift.” (Matthew 5:23)
“Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.” (Philippians 2:3-4)
Think how following THAT would change a marriage! I could go on and mention a whole lot of passages in the Bible that are constraints on my natural tendencies, not only in the doing of them, but in the motivations ensuring that they are done.
You see, all of the lessons that talk about relationships in the Bible can be seen as applicable in marriage. All the things you are supposed to do with your neighbours, your family, and even your enemies, are demanded in marital living. The proper applications of the Christian Worldview in a marriage is foundational. It is Christianity 101 for another person with whom I am commanded to love “as Jesus loves the Church” (Ephesians 5:25).
About that verse from Ephesians, I have a little story. Do you remember when the movie “The Passion of the Christ” came out? I went to see it twice. The first time, I was with a few male friends, just having some fellowship over a flick that had promised to be void of annoying scenes that populate most offerings from Hollywood these days. I found the movie quite moving and enjoyed it (if one can enjoy depictions of bloody murder of a character I love in real life). The second time, my wife and I were double-dating with another couple. As the worst of the beating and whipping of Christ was being accomplished before us, that scripture from Ephesians came into my mind: “As Christ loved the Church.” ARE YOU KIDDING ME! I am supposed to love my wife like that?
“One of the outcomes of having Jesus as a housemate in the home is that He comes with a built-in conflict resolution plan. ”
Suffice it to say that the very idea shook me down to my core! How in heaven am I supposed to do that? It was there and then that I committed to make my wife the most loved wife on the planet. There are still times that I falter and make mistakes. There are times my commitment might slip. But I have an Advocate. I also have a wife who loves me like I deserve it. In light of our 43rd wedding anniversary, I can honestly say that I am more in love with this woman God gave me now than that day when we stood before God with our promises. She is a big part of the package included in redemption for the things that those insects ate up before I was saved. (Joel 2:25). Happy anniversary dear. I would do it all over again in a heartbeat.